Wednesday, October 13, 2010
The Rape of the Lock
I kind of felt the same way as Alex about The Rape of the Lock. I normally don't care for old english poetry. But now that I'm understanding it better, I have starting to actually like the poem. Which is rare for me since I usually hate poetry with a passion. :) It bothers me when reading if I don't understand what every word means but hopefully I'll come to love The Rape of the Lock before we're done reading it.
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I agree this old English is kind of hard to understand but the Rape of the Lock is actually getting better and it's pretty funny how the Baron was shouting for joy over cutting Belinda's hair. I mean why would he announce to the world that he is like the biggest creep?
ReplyDeleteMaybe he thinks it's attractive... Like "Heeeey ladies look at me I'm a big tough guy because I stalked this chick and cut off a piece of her hair." No, he is certainly not a ladies man, but he just doesn't know better. Of course Belinda is equally as bad. I swear, this girl needs a good smack in the face to knock all the drama out of her. Like when her hair gets cut, she lets out a full blown death scream. Did someone just get stabbed? Did they get a finger cut off in that game of cards because people got too into the game? Oh no, it's just Belinda being a self-absorbed little brat again. Don't pay attention to that... :) That's my version of the event.
ReplyDeleteHahahah, Alex, you're so funny. I love your version. You should retell the entire story, I bet you'd make it funnier. Personally, I like how the Baron announces that he's a creep because if he just secretly hid the lock and obsessed over it that would be even more stalker creepy.
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with Alex and this post made my day. It especially angers me when she is in her room and refuses to even get out of bed because a little piece of hair got snipped. Maybe this is the time to try the new hairstyle you've always wanted Belinda! Just build a bridge and get over it.
ReplyDeleteI agree with all of you! The Baron is a freak...I mean he is like Jack the Ripper's reincarnate haha :)or well maybe not that bad but still he's really weird.
ReplyDeleteHere's my summary of the rest of the story:
ReplyDeleteAfter announcing his victory to the world, the Baron goes home and mutters "my precious" in a creepy voice while holding the lock of hair and rocking himself in the corner. Meanwhile, sick and tired of hearing Belinda's continuous death scream about her hair, Umbriel casually waltzes down to the underworld to beg for help. Instead, he gets a bag of wind and a vial of tears. Great, you're a lot of help Queen of Spleen, and you're just as creepy as the Baron because you have a vial of someones tears. Doing the best he can with the supplies given to him, Umbriel goes back to Belinda and uses the bag of wind and the tears. Belinda realizes her "great loss" and weeps over her lock of hair. (EMERGENCY!!! Her makeup will smear! Get the girl some mascara and talk about her fixing up her face and getting help from Tinkerbell for TWO PAGES) As bipolar as Belinda is, she recovers quickly from her drama scene with help from Thalestris and Sir Plume, who then try to get the Baron to give the lock of hair back. Again the supporting characters are so helpful, with Sir Plume giving a drunken, slurred "speech" and Thalestris just making Belinda mad. Belinda decides to travel back to Hampton Court to get up in the Baron's grill. There, Clarissa tries to console Belinda with a little speech (I swear, this chick is the only one with brains in this whole story. Mad props to you Clarissa for realizing that BEAUTY ISN'T EVERYTHING!) Belinda, again showing us the full power of her brain, does not listen to reason and starts a fight. Next comes the epic fight scene, in which the people are suddenly able to shoot lasers out their eyes using certain looks and to make a person spontaneously combust by insulting them. The sylphs, as usual, are content to pretty much just sit around and watch the people destroy each other and snack on popcorn. Maybe they're the real bad guys... The Baron is defeated, and as if Belinda really needed the ego boost, her chunk of hair is turned into a star.
Epilogue: Sporting a new, shorter haircut, Belinda realizes that she is attracted to creeps and runs after the Baron. They ride off into the sunset in a creeper van to make their living as pedophiles. The sylphs continue to wreak havoc on society, biding their time and plotting their destruction of mankind. Clarissa goes to college and falls in love with a normal, non-creepy guy, and they live happily ever after by insulting society and using their brains. And Shock the dog, sick of his master, runs off, changes his name, and lives a life of high adventure and intrigue.
Hope you guys enjoyed this summary :)
I love the 'my precious' part. Now I have a wanting to watch the Lord of the Rings movies. You have a good point about the Queen of Spleen being creepy though. I never thought of that but having a vial of tears is pretty high on the creepy/stalker list. Haha, I just love the twist you put in it. I've always thought of sylphs and sprites as evil faeries so reading The Rape of the Lock with them protecting Belinda was sort of weird. I definitely enjoyed how you said they might be the real bad guys.
ReplyDeleteI really like your ending because after naming my owl in my art project Clarissa, I have a soft spot for the name. This was absolutely wonderful Alex. :) My best laugh of the day.